National Orgasm Day!

National Orgasm Day is Today!

So, how will you be celebrating? A little trip to Agent Provocateur to surprise the lady-friend? Well boys and girls, I’m going to tell you exactly what mischief I’ve got up to this National Orgasm Day! I know I’m blogging late tonight, but it’s only so I can tell you all!
I went to The Strand near Trafalagar Square to meet my folks for dinner. I know you’re wondering and yes it was a lovely dinner. Thai, since you asked!
I went out to a random bar afterwards and met this amazing girl. We snuck off rather quickly and got the tube. She was rather a dirty girl and was flashing me her tits on the tube! I was a bit worried that people were looking but she assured me that a. people weren’t and b. it didn’t matter! Needless to say I have had an excellent National Orgasm Day. Have you?
One guy who always guarantees an orgasm is my mate Danny Mountain. Watch him pound Suzie Best and Michelle B until they achieve the maximum celebration of today possible in this filthy video.

Big Tits VS small tits

It’s the age-old argument isn’t it. Bit like PC VS Mac. Both have their merits and their failings. We could debate this until the end of time, but I’m going to break it down for you here. There is no answer.

Different sized tits suit different purposes and tastes. Like how PCs are great for gaming and Macs are shit for that. Macs on the other hand are fantastic for high-end creative stuff and PC’s are, well, a bit poo on that side. Same goes for tits. You can’t have a tit-wank with small boobies but then, and I turn to the most unlikeliest of sources here, in the words of Anthony Michael Hall in Weird Science “Anymore than a handful and you risk a sprained tongue”.

And look what came from those fictional pearls of wisdom in that film! The beautiful and perfectly busted Kelly LeBrock. I definitely had a crush on her in that film. What boy in the ‘80s didn’t?

Now I’m not easily shocked, but mastasia, possibly the ultimate antithesis of every 32A girl out there, really did catch me by surprise. For those that don’t know what mastasia is, it’s cartoonishly giant breasts. Breasts so large their nipples look a bit like cocks. It’s not really my cup of tea but it definitely gave us a giggle in the office this morning.

So I ask you to raise your morning cuppa in salute of breasts. Big tits like everyone’s favourite Cathy Barry and small tits like my personal favourite Angel Long All tits are brilliant basically.

Here’s my favourite small-tittied video for you in celebration…

And an extra-special morning busty treat for you to fear your eyes on!

Enjoy!

any hole's a goal

"I didn't lose my virginity until I was twenty-six. Nineteen vaginally, but twenty-six what my boyfriend calls 'the real way."

Sarah Silverman is the kind of girl we’d like to date. Not the kind of girl we’d like to spitroast you understand (obviously that’s our Carmel ;)) but more like a girl you could introduce to your mum and then take home be very very dirty with. She is hot; there is no denying that. But she’s hot in this weird way. Like, you really want to defile her, but in some ways she’s a total princess. It’s probably because she’s incredibly funny and just a little bit scary. Any girl that can get up on stage and talk frankly about masturbation, porn and anal sex and still make us double-over with laughter has to be a winner.

I think most of us have this preconception that all girls hate anal and that just ain’t the case, guys. Sarah, and all the statistics prove otherwise. Over 30% of hetrosexual couples regularly partake and this number is growing year by year. Is this because of the massive growth spurt in internet porn? If so, a massive pat on the back for us then! Anal has always happened but now it’s more socially acceptable. Woo! Anyway, here’s my favourite ever anal video to watch in celebration…

who's tits are these?

They say you’re either a tits or an arse man. I’m definitely a tits man. It’s better that way, I think, because I like them big or small, natural or enhanced. Which in my line of work is the best way to be!
That said, I’ve devised a little game to while away your Monday evening... How well do you know your pornstars tits? Below is a series of images just of tits. All you have to do is match the tits to the pornstar! If you get really stuck then click on the image and you’ll find out your answer! Here are the names of the pornstars featured: Carmel Moore, Lolly Badcock, Michelle B, Donna-Marie, Starr and Cathy Barry. Go on, have a go!
















How well did you do? It was quite a lot of fun making this game so I might do a similar one soon ;)

More countdown-ness

Oh yes, it’s that time of the week! Time for another installment of my countdown to the Top 25 Pornstar Jobs!
For those just joining us on this little endevour of mine, I realized that there could be a pornstar lurking behind every mundane job!
Catch up on the previous entries here:
Numbers 25-21
Numbers 20-16

15. Waitress
Everyone’s had a little crush on a cute little waitress. She brings you food. Amazing. Then you get to watch her toddle off to the kitchen and enjoy the sight of her bottom. Brilliant.
14. Butcher
Ok this is a bit fetish but imagine if your butcher was actually a pornstar.. how ace would that be?!
13. PA
She’s personal. She’s your assistant. She has to do anything you tell her to ;)
12. Beautician
Imagine what your normal ‘Back, sack and crack’ could lead to…
11. Bus/train conductor
Mmm, I need no words here. Tammy Oldham says them all for me.

Ace. Bet you can’t wait for the next one!

position of the week

It makes me a bit sad that your average girl’s idea of being kinky in the bedroom doesn’t extend beyond ‘Cosmo’s Position of The Week’. Cosmo encourages ladies to ‘experiment’ but I think I’ve spotted a recurring theme in these positions. They mostly benefit the girl! Now, I’m all for girls enjoying their time in the sack but what happened to them wanting to pleasure us. Now, take Carmel Moore. There’s a girl who likes to pleasure her men. Blowjobs that is. I know I’ve mentioned this before but I want to touch on it again. Say for example you buy your special lady friend a pair of £70 shoes, you’d expect a lot of ‘gratitude’. At the very least a truly amazing blowjob. Girls these days don’t think they need to. I blame Cosmo. It teaches girlies to be somewhat self-serving in the bedroom.
Imagine how different our lives would be if girls got into porn as early as us men do. By that I don’t mean just having been exposed to porn young, I mean actually getting into it. Most girls I know were exposed to porn at around the same age as boys but didn’t necessarily seek it out in the same manner that teenage boys do. I genuinely think this is changing dramatically though. Think about it: when we were kids, most of us found porn on our parents vhs or magazine stash. Where do average boys find boys nowadays? Yes, ladies and gentlemen, that’s correct: The World Wide Tinterweb. So does this mean that girls aren’t being exposed to porn at the same age? Will their only ideas of sex be from Cosmo??? Seriously guys, go home tonight and make your girlfriend sit down with you and watch some porn with you. Start her off with some Bare Back Mountain. All these ladies love pleasuring Dan Mountain and your girl could learn a thing or two. Then once you’ve got your point across, move her onto Whatever She Wants. Jay Snake loves giving these girls anything they wish. It’s all about give and take, people!
Rant over.

shaven... havens?

You’ve just to got to love Jayne in Dogging Diaries, shaving herself in the bathroom. However, it occurs to me that stubble round a girl’s lips is quite possibly the most unattractive thing ever. And that goes for both sets of lips, haha!

I do occasionally wonder, while I’m watching good ol’ Lolly get her bouche round a girl’s shaven slit, how none of them have shaving rash (obviously this is only a fleeting thought ;) but a thought nonetheless). I’ve always wondered what the preferred ‘method of removal’ for a girl like Carmel Moore is but let’s be fair, even in my lofty employment position that’s a bit tricky to find out!

Personally, I prefer ‘em waxed. You can see exactly what you/they’re doing and it pretty good to look at too!

So, on this folical theme, I’ve decided to try my first poll. Firstly check out my amazing examples and then vote for which pubic hairstyle you like best.

SHAVEN EXAMPLE

WAXED EXAMPLE

TRIMMED EXAMPLE

HAIRY EXAMPLE

LIKE A JUNGLE EXAMPLE

Poll: How Hairy Do You Like 'Em?

Countdown Continued!!

Yes, I know you’ve all been waiting with baited breath but here it is: THE NEXT INSTALLMENT OF MY AMAZING COUNTDOWN! Numbers 20-16 of the Top 25 Pornstar Jobs!

20. Receptionist.
All alone in the reception area… hands wandering under that big front desk… you know you’re thinking what I’m thinking!

19.Dentist.
You may think this an odd choice considering how many people hate going to the dentist but think about the logistics of it. Cute nurse in her little outfit and that chair does tilt all the way back after all!

18. Sales Assistant.
This may sound a little a bit of a boring job but I bet you’ve always wanted to have sex in a changing room. I know I have ;)

17. Cleaner.
This is a bit more fetishist I guess, but c’mon. Naked except for a pinny and a pair of marigolds; I swear I’ve seen that in porn before.

16. Teacher.
Everyone I’ve ever met fancied at least one teacher in school. However, I doubt your teacher was Ben Dover in a dress and that you went to school with Carmel Moore or Lolly Badcock!!!

why are girls from Bristol so hot?

I think I might be developing a bit of a crush on Laura Michaels. Apart from being incredibly sexy in that girl-next-door kinda way, she’s also really dirty. I found her on Facebook earlier (c’mon, it’s what lunchbreaks were made for!) and needless to say I’ve friend requested her. I can’t wait to see if she accepts me!

She is really hot and she seems to do quite a lot of work with Cathy Barry. In fact, I found out from her website www.lauramichaels.net that Cathy actually discovered Laura while she was working in a bar in Bristol! How brilliant is that!

I’m really excited about the Laura Michaels night that’s coming up. I will definitely be staying in for that one. For now I’ll be satisfying myself with a recap of Maximum Perversion 4 for some girl on girl action with Laura and the gorgeous Michelle Thorne.

Just a little note in passing, feel free to add me on Facebook for up-to-date gossip and other interesting info. Just search for ‘James TVXMole McHallam’ and you’ll find me.

faster pussycat tits tits!!

I watched a really good film last night called Faster Pussycat Kill Kill. My mate is well into her B-movies and she reckoned I’d really like this one. She was right y’know! How can you not like three incredibly busty go-go dancers wreaking havoc across the desert? I’ll be honest with you though, for a Russ Meyer film there isn’t really any nudity. However these girls kick so much ass you just don’t really care. Tura Satana is smoking hot as gang-leader Varla, with an attitude to match.

I heard recently that Quentin Tarantino is remaking this classic film and he’s found his lead pussycat already in the shape of American porn actress Tera Patrick. I’m glad he’s picking a porn actress as the role really does require someone who can be overtly sexually aggressive but I’m not sure if Tarantino really has the same breast-fixation that Meyer had.

Russ Meyer was the kind of guy who liked women with enormously large breasts. And this was in the days before plastic surgery! Now I think about it, ol’ Meyer would have been a massive fan of our Busty Brits. In fact, I seriously think Eleksis could very well be perfect for the role of Rosie. She’s got those dark Mediterranean features, massive tits, tiny waist… I’m just not sure if she’s tall enough though.

Anyway check out Busty Brits Abroad 2 and let me know what you think

Ooh La La

As you can imagine, I absolutely love my job. Bumping into Jay Snake in the lift has been a highlight so far but yesterday I got to chat to the beautiful Lala on the phone! Yes, ladies and gentlemen, be very very jealous.
It’s really weird when you speak to them over the phone, because you’ve seen all their videos and everything. But, I’m happy to report, Lala is actually really nice. We had a really good chat and she was telling me all about her website www.ooolala.org which she’s set up. I’ve had a quick look at it and it looks pretty good. Perfect if you love your Lala.
For me, my favourite Lala appearance of all time has to be her contribution to the amazing I Worship Pantyhose series. You can see Keni rip straight through her pantyhose here. You’ve just gotta love those red heels!

Big Brother

Big Brother. Ugh. Is it just a way for hopefuls to launch their glittering, paparazzi filled ‘media careers’? Probably. Do we benefit along the way with lads mag shoots, home sex tapes and hardcore videos made before they were catapulted into the spotlight? Oh yes.
But, as my friends Alex and Suze try to point out, how many of these wannabes actually come away with more than their 15 minutes of fame?

Case in point: Leah Walker
Yesterday, Alex made the point “Where is she now?” and that, other than our little televisionX video of her before she went in the BB house, there doesn’t seem to have been much Lea-based activity of late.

Well, we have been reliably informed that she’s now a radio presenter on a gay radio station with former BB-housemate Richard Newman. They have The Dicky and Dolly Show. At least she seems to be faring better than her other former housemates. Personally, I think any girl with ‘assets’ (see: massive tits) as big as hers is going stay in the limelight for some time.

Check out Lea in her full glory in her hardcore video here.

Countdown to the top 25 Pornstar Jobs

I got an email today from my friend who lives in Bristol. He’s also an avid TVX Mole Blog reader and has to put up with me constantly going on about tracking down Cathy Barry every time I go and visit him, poor bloke. He decided to inform me that he spotted another porn star working a ‘normal’ person’s job the other day! I’m pumping him for details as to who she is but I don’t think he’s got as encyclopedia knowledge for porn as I do. Well, as these things tend to do, it did get me thinking. What if there was a porn star lurking surreptitiously behind every mundane job? You could combine gonzo and plot-driven porn in one fell swoop!
So I’ve made a countdown of my Top 25 Pornstar Jobs! I’ll be counting down this in fives but I won’t be posting on it every day so you’d best keep your eyes peeled!
Anyway, here it is:

25. Secretary
Oh it’s the old porn/mistress cliché. We know every man thinks about it at some point.
24. Butlins Redcoat
Brings a whole new meaning to “Get yer coat love, you’ve pulled!”
23. Florist
Not sure why but having it off in the jungle-like environment of a florist sort of appeals to me!
22. Car washer
Cool Hand Luke. Need I say more?
21. Chambermaid
Antonia Stokes in British Hotel Bitches 4. Now that’s a chambermaid you want to see clean your room!

Hope you’re waiting on tenterhooks for numbers 20-16 of the Top 25 Pornstar Jobs!

Hip-hop is wank

I’m getting well into my hip-hop lately. I must have been banging on about it quite a lot lately because last week this girl that I always see in the canteen lent me this CD. She told me it was “awesome” but I’d probably “never heard of it”. Now, not to be outdone by a bloody girl I took my Biz Markie CD out of the stereo to give this ‘nerd hip-hop’ thing a go.

This guy, Viktor Vaughn, is actually pretty good. There’s this one track that really stood out though. It has this chick singing on it and at the end of the song she sings “I’d rather masterbate than fuck with Vik Vaughn” and then the guy goes “Let me watch”. The girl from the canteen was right! This is stuff is alright y’know.

It definitely got me thinking about my favourite songs about wanking. Obviously The Divinyls ‘I Touch Myself’ is absolute top. You just can’t ‘beat’ a song like that, haha. I was skiving a bit yesterday and I’ve made myself what I’d like to call ‘The Wank List’. It’s basically a playlist of the best songs about masturbation and a list of the best solo masturbation videos you can watch alongside to.

So it goes something like this:
1. A.D.I.D.A.S by Korn
2. Longview by Green Day
3. Pictures of Lily by The Who
4. She-bop by Cyndi Lauper
5. Darling Nikki by Prince
6. I Touch Myself by The Divinyls

Obviously this list isn’t exactly long so you’d have to have it on repeat.

Then the videos you watch would be:

1. Corsetry 1 (with the gorgeous Lala)

2. Dogging Diaries Series 1 Monday (the ever-slutty Donna Marie)

3. Little Miss Knee Highs 1 (the best girl to finish on, Alyssa Leigh)

Now, I understand this might be a somewhat controversial post….


but I absolutely stand by my decision to include Cyndi Lauper on the list!!

iheartzombies

I went round to my mate’s house in Camden last night and he cooked me a top meal. Salmon in madras dressing with coriander mash. Proper yum. We were sat there with my mate and his sister and her boyfriend and they got out a board game that I’ve never seen before. A board game all about zombies!!! Bloody brilliant. It’s basically a race to get to the chopper and you can kill any zombies in your path and you can totally fuck your mates over in the process Seriously, it was amazing.

Then my mate started telling me about this zombie comic called The Walking Dead. One of my other friends is always banging on about it but whenever she starts on about comics I tend to switch off but this one sounds really interesting. Apparently it’s billed as a sort of “never ending zombie movie”. I like the sound of that!

All this talk of zombies is making me want to watch Evil Dead. That has got to be my all-time favourite zombie film. I used to have the special edition where the case is meant to look like the book of the dead from the film but my ex-girlfriend stole it when we broke up. I reckon I’m just gonna have to content myself with Zombie Nation 1. Seeing as how it’s got my good ol’ mate Jay Snake in it pounding Elizabeth Michelle Lawrence like his braiiiinnsss depend on it…haha!!

birthday moomins

Someone always springs their bloody birthday on you when you’re at your most skintest, don’t they? It was some bird in the office’s birthday yesterday and I had to nip out at lunch to get her a card. I found this neat little shop with quirky gifts and unusual cards, which I knew would have something this girl, would like. I literally just turned around in this shop and there it was staring at me. A Moomin birthday card! I had to get it basically. I liked Moomins when I was a nipper and so doubtless this girl did too. I mean, who didn’t like them? So I gave her the card and everyone went ga-ga over it. Everyone started talking about which kids tv show they liked best when they were at school. I love reminiscing about school days. Not primary school, but secondary. School was pretty ace. Or, “rad” as we used to say back in the mid ‘90s! All the girls with their rolled up skirts, tight white shirts and brightly coloured teenage bras that you could see under their shirts on a summer day. Obviously not my thing now, but definitely when I was 15 it was very appealing ;)

Anyway, I had to go home and recap over all the St Teeny Cums episodes. It has two of my favourite girls in it, Lolly Badcock and Carmel Moore. To be honest with you, I think it’s probably for the best that the girls I went to school with didn’t look like these girls and wear suspenders otherwise I would never have passed my exams!

blowjob apologies

How are girls so good at multi-tasking? I just don’t get it. All morning long I’ve been eavesdropping on these two birds who sit on my table in the office and they’ve been nattering away and still working really hard. It’s fun listening in on the girls but it’s getting pretty distracting. One of the girls got really drunk last night and had a fight with her boyfriend and is trying to figure out the best way to apologise. Her colleague actually suggested she could apologise with a blow-job! Now, is it me but shouldn’t blow-jobs just be standard? Should girls be allowed to save them for apologies? You run the danger of mentally associating blow-jobs with your girlfriend being mean to you and having to forgive her. Luckily this girl replied that she gives them to her boyfriend pretty regularly so she’d have to think of something better than that! She looked very sorry so I can’t wait ‘til tomorrow to hear exactly what she did to apologise ;)

Maybe I should tell this girl to watch Carmel Moore: Come Together to get some tips. I’m sure her boyfriend would forgive no matter what she did if she can pull off a performance like this!

Pornstar Addresses

I’ve been having a bit of a Casey Jo revival lately and I was watching my fave of her vids, her contribution to the awesome Babespotting and you won’t believe what I noticed! There’s a shot of a place in London called ‘Cock Lane’!!

Obviously I had to Google map it straight away. It’s near Holborn Viaduct apparently. Defo have to go check that out soon.

It did get me and some of the boys in the office thinking; pornstars should only live in porn-themed named towns or streets! Wouldn’t that make the world a better place? So we ended up devising a fun way to waste time this afternoon. We typed as many rude words into Google maps as possible and you wanna hear some of the crackers we found! There’s Ragged Ass Road which is in Canada, there’s also a town called Felch in Michigan, Boner Street in Georgia and my personal favourite ‘Clit Court’ in a place called Albany in New York State! I reckon our pals across the pond have got the right idea! It’s not just across the Pacific where they name places funny though.

I told one of my female colleagues about my idea and she surprised me by saying she’d once visited a town in Austria called ‘Wank’. I asked her if she’d had a fiddle with herself whilst she was there and I think I embarrassed her a bit because she excused herself pretty quickly! Oh well, haha!

Larging it in Bristol

I’m sure you were all very worried about me with my cold etc, but you’ll be pleased to hear, I was well on the road to recovery come Saturday morning.

I went to Bristol and did a few touristy things, well went to see the Clifton suspension bridge, then went to this pub that overlooks the Avon gorge and pretty much stayed there. It was pretty wet though so I think it’s ok that we stayed indoors drinking if it’s raining.

In the evening we went to a few bars and ended up in Mr Wolfs. It looks a bit dark and dingy at first, but it’s actually a really cool venue. They have live music there and it’s also a wicked noodle bar, defo worth checking out. Basically whilst there we just drank and danced like idiots before getting a kebab and heading home in the early hours.

Disappointed I didn’t see the lovely Cathy Barry, but maybe next time….

Jordan's Sister Tonight on TV

Whoop whoop, Sophie Price starts answering your questions that you’ve been sending in to us on televisionX tonight at 10:10pm. I can’t wait to see the type of things she’s been asked and the answers she gives. Well I’ve actually seen the questions and they’re good, but it will be good to hear her answers. I’d definitely stick it in her!

Anyway, I’m off to Bristol tomorrow for a boys night out, hopefully my man flu (AKA mild cold) will have gone and I’ll be ready to rock the joint.

Jack Johnson Concert

I went to a Jack Johnson gig last night and it was amazing! He’s such a cool dude and amazing live. However I’m getting a cold from standing in Hyde Park for 4 hours. They wouldn’t let us take any food in with us so we had to wolf it down outside. Desperate to warm up I bought a pie which tasted like crap so I sulked a little more. Anyway, now I’m getting ill so I’ve had to sack my friends off tonight. Think I’ll stay in and watch television X online, I love the new Babe Spotting series so that’s what I’ll be doing tonight.

Katie and Peter

I was settling down to some crap TV the other night cos I have no money and felt I’d used all my favours up of asking mates to buy me pints, when I stumbled upon Katie and Peter: The Next Chapter. Now as Sophie Price is our new face and body of Television X, I thought I would do the honourable thing and support her sister. But what a load of crap! Honestly, who wants to see Katie going under anaesthetic to have her teeth done? Who cares that Peter is a div and can’t work the intercom? Who wants to see them arguing repeatedly on a car journey to God knows where? Clearly someone does, but it ain’t me. It was just boring drivel that made my eyes bleed. So Sophie, I tried to support your sis by watching that crap, but I just couldn’t do it, however I’ll defo be watching you on Friday when you reveal all on Television X at 10:10pm!

Bristol Beauties Here I Come

I’ve been invited down to Bristol this weekend to see my mate at Uni there. I’ve never been there before but I heard it’s pretty cool. There’s a wicked boat apparently which is a club and also has gigs, the Thekla. We’re going to see the Black Kids there in August too, can’t wait.

Anyway, while in Bristol I’ve demand that he takes me to Cathy Barry’s house to meet her. He replied that he doesn’t actually know her, just because she lives in Bristol too. I’m not accepting this, I will meet the legendary Cathy and that’s that! In the meantime I’ll just have to get my fill of her in Busty Brits Abroad tonight on Television X.